Couldn't Resist
by estelgreenleaf
Summary: What happens when Sirius annoys people? Or when they get into an all-out prank war at Hogwarts? Even I don't know! Please R
1. It's So Fun to Annoy People!

Dislaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. Never have, never will.

Η

Couldn't Resist

"Quit it Padfoot," Remus said, pushing Sirius' hand away.

Sirius had been poking him for ten minutes and he was _trying_ to do homework.

"Ah, you know you love it," Sirius grinned, and poked him again.

"You're gonna lose something you love in a minute," Lupin replied, getting out his wand and pointing it at Sirius' bottom half. That shut him up.

After about five minutes though, he poked him again.

"Moronis numbus!" Remus yelled, shooting the hex at Sirius. It hit him, but didn't seem to do any physical damage.

"Haha, didn't work Moony," Sirius teased, "You have to be faster then that to curse the—I can't feel my hands! Moony, do something!"

"I did," Lupin said, grinning.

"I'll be good, I promise," Padfoot begged, "but I'm bored."

"I will take the curse off if you agree to go bother someone else," Remus countered.

"Deal," Black replied, "now make it stop, it's creepy!"

"Numbus liftus," Lupin called

Sirius gave a grateful sigh as feeling returned to his fingers. He then ran out of Gryffindor tower before Remus could curse him again.

"So, who's next?" he muttered to himself.

His question was answered for him when he saw Snape walking alone up ahead. For two reasons he suspected, one it was a Saturday, so most students were enjoying the warm day outside, and two, who would want to walk with that slimy, greasy-haired, git?

"Vocal Mcgonagall," Sirius whispered

"Mr. Snape, I'd like a word with you," he said in McGonagall's voice

Snape whipped around, looking for the source of the voice. He saw no one, so he turned back and kept going.

"Vocal Howlett," Sirius whispered again.

"Mr. Snape, come to my office immediately! You completely failed your last paper!" he called in the thunderous voice of the Defense Against the Dark Arts master.

Severus immediately shrank away. He turned around again.

"Where are you?" he called out.

Sirius didn't answer.

"I must be hearing things," Snape muttered.

"Vocal Dumbledore," Sirius muttered

"Snivellus come here," he said

"Professor Dumbledore?" Severus asked

"Snivellus," Sirius taunted

Snape pulled out his wand.

"What are you doing, Black?" he asked

That did it; Sirius cracked up and fell out of his hiding spot.

"Damn you Black!" Snape yelled, "I thought I was going insane!"

"Vocal Sirius," Sirius said, "You should have seen the look on your face!"

"Levicorpus!" Snape yelled

"Missed me, Snivelly," Sirius teased

He got up and ran, with Snape shooting curses after him. He ran to the library, where James was trying to get Lily to go out with him, for the millionth time.

"Come on Lily, go out with—quack," James said, "What the—boing?"

Sirius was doubled over in silent laughter. He loved hexing James to make funny noises.

"Just a—MOO," James said holding up a finger.

"Sirius Black! Get your – oink – butt over here! I'm gonna—cock-a-doodle doo!

"Can't catch me!" Sirius said, and stuck his tongue out at James.

"Wanna Bet?" James asked.

"Sure. Oh, hey Professor Dumbledore," he said, waving to someone behind James.

James turned, and Sirius ran out of the library. It was almost time for dinner so Sirius went to the Great Hall and sat down. Soon, people started filing in. He waved Remus and James over to him. Peter was still in the hospital wing because of an unfortunate, albeit hilarious, incident in potions.

They both came over and they didn't seem angry or annoyed with Sirius' juvenile behavior. He would remedy that soon. The food appeared on the glittering, golden plates and he saw something scurry by.

He pointed his wand at it, then made sure no one was looking and whispered "engorgio"

The spider grew a little bit, but not enough for anyone to notice.

"Mas engorgio," he whispered.

The spider grew until it was about four feet tall, at which point people started screaming. The spider was still just walking on the floor, but its height made a bit of a difference now.

Dumbledore stood up and whipped out his wand.

"Evanesco!" he yelled, pointing his wand at the creature.

There was a little "pop" and the spider vanished. The hall went completely silent as Dumbledore turned to the Gryffindor table.

"Sirius Black, I would appreciate it if you would please refrain from enlarging spiders during dinner," he said, but with a twinkle of amusement in his eye.

A hundred death glares turned to Sirius, mostly girls.

"That was you, man?" James said, and gave Sirius a high five, "Awesome!"

Remus gave both of them a look, and buried his nose in a book. Sirius grabbed it away from him.

"Come one Moony, its almost the holidays!" Sirius exclaimed, "quit studying and live a little."

"We still have Mcgonagall's end of term exam, in case you've forgotten," Remus countered.

The look between Sirius and James told Remus that they had indeed, forgotten.

"Oh, come off it, we'll pass." James said, "and seriously Moony, why do you even bother studying? You're already at the top of the class."

"How do you think I got there?" Lupin answered

Sirius felt this conversation was getting boring, so while Prongs and Moony were arguing, he set about changing the food on their plates into gravel. James took a bite without looking and spit it out.

"Haha, you just ate rocks!" Sirius laughed

"Are you serious?" James said angrily

"Of course I'm serious," Padfoot replied, using his favorite joke.

Remus tried to scold Sirius, but found that the only thing that would come out of his mouth were pink bubbles. Sirius left before either one could scold him or curse him. He went to the common room, and fell asleep quickly.

The Next Morning:

Sirius woke up the next morning with his head feeling strangely cold. He also noticed that James and Remus were nowhere to be found. He had to deal with the head problem. He crept up to the mirror and looked into it.

He was bald! Shaved, bare, hairless! He screamed a very high-pitched, girly scream. Then he fainted.

Down in the common room, Moony and Prongs were laughing their butts off.

"Looks like he discovered his chrome-dome," James stated.

Sorry I made Sirius bald, I couldn't resist. If you want me to continue, review or PM me. Thanks for reading!


	2. Why, Dumbledore, Why?

Disclaimer: You recognize it, not mine.

**Author's notes**: I'm sorry you guys, I'm absolutely horrible. My plot bunny ran away and my muses went to go catch it, so I had some trouble with a plot for this chapter. I'm not sure if this chapter will be very funny, seeing as it's one in the morning here.

_**Reviews:**_

**AveryBreezYDay8421: **Thank you, thank you, thank you! I love Sirius' hair, but I was trying to think what would be the biggest blow to him.

**Angelic Supernatural Hunter: **Thank you!I wasn't planning to continue this but you guys made me want to. And yes, Moony did use a spell. I'm not cruel enough to actually shave his head. That would make lots of people sad.

**marauders4eva: **I could never really shave Sirius' head. That would be horrible Thanks for the review!

Thank you also to who favorited the story!

Enough with my boring notes, on with the story!

Why, Dumbledore, Why?

Sirius sat in one of the armchairs by the fire, watching the entrance to the girl's dormitory. He had charmed a bucket of green dye so that it hung in the air over the doorway, and the next person to walk out or in would get splattered.

It was almost time for breakfast, and Sirius had gotten up before anyone else to set up a few pranks, this being one of them.

Simeone was coming! Sirius dived behind the chair and peeked his eyes out just in time to see a the dye get splattered over a seething Lily Evans. She must have seen his eyes peeking out because she stomped over to where he was hiding.

"SIRIUS BLACK!" she yelled, "WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT?"

"Sorry Evans," he said, shrinking away, but looking pleased, "but look on the bright side, your skin matches your eyes now."

She looked ready to murder him, so Sirius decided that now might be a good time to leave Gryffindor Tower. Anyways, he had other pranks to oversee.

He skipped out and headed down to the Great Hall. As he walked down, Sirius thought abot how glad he was to have his beautiful hair back. It had just been a clever Disillusionment Charm. Remus' work, he guessed.

Once Sirius got to the Great Hall, he found it hard to keep from cracking up. All the teachers were sitting in their chairs at the High Table. What they didn't know was that he had spread warmth-activated superglue on their chairs.

He went through breakfast like normal, doing homework that was due next period, eating, and talking with his friends. Remus thought he noticed something odd in Sirius' behavior. Maybe it was the fact that he seemed giddy, even for Sirius. Or the way he kept staring at the High Table.

At the end of breakfast, Dumbledore stood up.

"Off to another day of learning." he said

The students left the hall in bunches. One by one the teachers got up, or should I say, tried to get up. McGonagall was the first to realize that she was glued to her chair. She motioned to all the other teachers to stay sitting to avoid further embarrassment.

"Black, Potter, Lupin," she said, her voice deadly, "Come to the High Table, now."

They walked up, Remus and James not knowing what they had done, but realizing why she suspected them, and Sirius, knowing perfectly well what he had done.

"Which one of you did it?" she asked, "or was it all three?"

"Did what?" James asked

"Stuck every teacher excepting the Headmaster in their chairs," Minerva said

"It wasn't me Professor," Remus said

"It wasn't me either," James replied, "I would fess up to something this funny."

Sirius couldn't hold it in any longer. He burst out laughing.

"Mr. Black, did you have something to add?" Dumbledore asked

"Yeah, I did it," Sirius answered, still laughing, not looking guilty at all.

"Mr. Black, a week of detention. And for heaven's sakes, what are we sitting in?" she asked

"It's warmth activated superglue. Countercharm's _Degare_," he said

The teachers all unstuck themselves.

"Professor Dumbledore, I put glue on your seat too, how did you not get stuck?" Sirius asked

"I know everything that goes on here," Dumbledore said with a twinkle in his eye, "and this is not the first time someone has tried to pull one over on me. Now off to your classes."

The three walked out of the hall and down to the dungeon.

"I think Dumbledore's given us a challenge," James remarked

"I agree," Sirius replied

"You guys aren't serious, are you?" Remus asked

"Of course I'm Sirius," Sirius said, "who else would I be?"

"You used up your quota of Sirius/serious jokes for the month, man," James said, "they're just getting painful."

"Are you guys seriously going to wage a prank war with Dumbledore?" Remus asked again

"He threw the gauntlet down, we're just picking it up," Sirius replied, "and besides, he avoided my prank this morning. This means war!"

After much begging and persuasion for Lupin to join them, which he did, albeit a bit reluctantly, Moony, Padfoot, and Prongs sat down to plan the first battle.

_**Metta for now. TBC!**_

Please review, I live on reviews! Also, prank ideas would be good; I'm running out. Thanks for reading this chapter!


	3. Fly Like a Butterfly

**Disclaimer:** You recognize it, I don't own it.

**Author's Notes: **Sorry this chapter took so long. Schoolwork + Procrastinating + Colorguard competition + Writer's Block = Not good. I don't know how funny it will be cause it's almost two and I'm dead on my feet.

**Reviewers: **

_**-Babyeex.X: **_ Thank you! I am severely moved by how funny people think think this story is. I don't even crack a smile when I'm writing it, but everyone says it's funny. Well, actually, there is a part in this chappie that made me laugh.

_**kay kkkkay: **_Thank you thank you thank you!

_**cjhtorchwood:**_ I hope I live up to your expectations. Thanks for reviewing!

**I'd also like to thank anyone who favorited or is following me or my stories. You make me happy.**

I'm sure you guys are bored of author's notes by now. So, on with the story!

**Fly like a butterfly…**

"I can't think of anything to do specifically to Dumbledore," James said

"Then I think our best bet would be to cause as much mass chaos as possible," Sirius added with a grin

"Actually, I have an idea of what to do," Remus spoke up.

They plotted through dinner and into the night. Once the three finally had their plan figured out, they snuck out onto the grounds, and over to the broom shed.

Their plan was simple, fly up to the Headmaster's office, turn all the windows black, and make it look like it was nighttime all day. Well, it would have been simple if Sirius could keep quiet for long enough to fly up to the tower.

"Filch is coming!" Remus whispered agitatedly

"You're not serious! And not a word from you." James whispered, looking at Sirius

"Wasn't gonna say anything, mate." Sirius added

"Hello, Filch. Is. Coming." Remus said, matter of factly.

"Oh, right. That," James replied, and they all soared away to hide behind one of Hogwarts many spires.

"We'll catch them. Won't we, my sweet?" they heard Filch say, "Where are the little vermin?"

Sirius giggled and pulled out his wand.

"Diffindo," he said, and Filch's pants split, "Tarantallegra."

Now, Filch was dancing on the grounds in his underwear.

"Come on guys, let's get out of here before we give ourselves away." Lupin said

They flew towards Dumbledore's office, and once they were out of range, cracked up.

"Did you see the look on his face?" James panted out, tears running down his face.

"Rubber duck boxers? I'll never look at him the same way again." Sirius said, gasping for breath.

"I could have gone my entire life without seeing that," Remus said, with a look of pure horror in his eyes, but laughing nonetheless.

They got up to the tower and did their deed, then went back to bed.

**Dumbledore's POV:**

I woke up to go downto breakfast this morning, but when I came into my office it was still dark. My first thought was that one of Sybill's predictions had actually come true, that the sun had gone out. Then I thought, that's silly, her predictions never come true. I walked over to the window and examined it. It had had a color-change charm cast on it, with a very vague magical signature. Of course, I still recognized it almost immediately. Who wouldn't? It was the three troublemakers, James Potter, Sirius Black, and Remus Lupin.

"Clever boys, very clever," I said to myself

Well, if it's a war they want, it's a war they'll get. I chuckled to myself before heading down to breakfast.

**Back to Third Person:**

Sirius and James' heads drooped when they noticed that Dumbledore was sitting at the head of the staff table, like always.

"Oh, come on guys. Did you really think we were going to pull something that simple on the greatest wizard of our time?" Moony asked

James shook his head, while Sirius got a spark in his eye that Remus didn't like.

"Then it's time for Plan B, then. Right?" he asked with puppy dog eyes

"I guess," James said

"Good, because I already set up some things that should go off in 3…2…1" he said

A series of bangs reverberated around the Great Hall.

"What did you do?" Remus asked, with a look of terror on his face.

…

**Metta **for now. TBC

**More Author's Notes:** I know it was short, and the title will make sense next chapter (I hope)

Oh and metta means the end in Elvish. That's why I write it at the end of the chapter.

Please review, I live on reviews!


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